I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
