So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
