What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
