She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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