Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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