you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
