puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
