we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
