I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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