Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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