I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
