What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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