after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
