It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
