you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
