I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
