I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
