if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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