Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
