I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
