I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
