dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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