I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
