Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
