His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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