it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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