i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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