i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
