thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
