I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
