I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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