We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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