I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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