he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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