and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
