would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
