She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
