he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
