and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
