That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
