I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
