Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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