I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
