i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Holy sore nipples Batman
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
