We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
