You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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