No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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