of course. lets lasso hookers.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
