What a fucking waste of an outfit
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
