Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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