haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
