My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
