Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
