This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
