There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
