What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
