He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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