Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
