Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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