I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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